I open my eyes, settling on the bright light coming in through the window. I didn’t know what it is, but it hurts when I look at it. I stare at it for as long as I can. Squinting, I put my hand in between the light and my eyes, this made it better. I knew what to do next, I knew what the routine everybody goes through when waking up in the morning. My routine was different. I knew you get out of bed, walk to the bathroom and have a shower. Fueling the body with food in order to do things the rest of the day, the boring chores of everyday life. The bathroom is next to my bedroom, a 5 second walk from my bed to the shower. I press the buzzer with my toes at the end of my bed, I can’t even use my hands as I’m pathetic – Special, I correct myself. I stare out the window and the light is still there, birds flying and performing their morning calls. I love birds. Love the sounds the make, do you know they talk to each other? They talk to me, we talk when I can’t sleep, and it helps me.
‘Ar-ar-are you ready to g-g-get up now sleepy head?’
I press the green button.
‘Hang-g-g on then.’
A woman enters the room. I’m not afraid as I recognize her face. Her long blonde hair, the nose, the ears that stick out just a little bit. The lines around her face, that get bigger on the top of her face and around her chin. She looks old. I know her as my friend. I run my finger along the metal bar along my bar. I like the cold feeling.
She embraces me and sits me up. I twist myself round and put my hand on the window, she gets on the bed and we sit together. Both of us staring out the window. I put my hand on the glass, the cold dirty glass. The glass is wet, but my hand doesn’t get wet. It must be on the outside.
S-s-shall we see how you’re doing today?
She reaches down and picks up the board again, this happens everyday, and I know it helps me. I don’t know why, but she says we need to do it.
She turns the pad to face me, and flips over the first page, and reads out the words; ‘Why name is…?’ She holds out one fingers, and says ‘Jack’, she holds out two fingers, then says Ben and holds out three fingers, before saying ‘Chris’. I pause. I press the button once. She smiles before turning the page over. She starts talking again, ‘How old am I?’ 5, 7 or 9? Holding out the corresponding fingers for each answer. I pause again, before pressing the button three times.
She reaches out and puts her hand on my arm, I feel the heavy bracelet around her wrist scratch my arm. I don’t cry because I’m brave.
‘Making progress l-l-llittle man. Making p-p-progress’
I lay back down on the bed and close my eyes again. I sleep all the time, cats sleep a lot too. I like animals. Animals are much nicer than humans.